Broken Mamas

Yes! That is me today! A broken mama.

Anybody else have a love/hate relationship with Mother’s Day?

We took sweet pics over the weekend, and for the 24-48 hours when they were made, there was a time of reconciliation in our house.

But truthfully, leading up to that day was a week of chaos, and then today—“BAM”—here we are again.

Being caught up in the emotions of dealing with a child who had trauma from a world in which you didn’t even exist just stinks! It’s a complicated beast filled with hurt and disbelief.

I’m not going into details, just know that while I trust God with His goodness and mercy, and while Ben and I have begged for wisdom, I still feel like I am drowning in the overwhelming emotions of handling the brokenness of someone who doesn’t even know the full extent of their brokenness.

So broken, worn out, and mentally exhausted mamas (and daddies) . . . where do we go from here?

I have to remind myself frequently–that it is not my job to change someone or fix their issues. I can’t make someone want to do better or hang in there for their own good. The older I get, the more I realize that I am very limited in my responses.

You know what else I have learned? There are many other mamas and daddies like me. I know because I have been talking with a few who are living or have lived with these emotional ups and downs.

I am learning that I have to seek some healthy ways to deal with the stress and strain of living with the broken pieces of someone who has not quite made it to the other side yet.

Any other mamas(daddies) in this place of uncertainty?

Here are 5 things I do when I’m about to “fall out” myself:

1) Call out to Jesus. I really do! The other day I walked outside in the grass in my backyard telling Him all about my “stuff”! I was angry and hurt and I told Him all about it. When I was finished, He calmed me down with some verses from the Bible that popped in my head.

2) Get some outside help. It’s not possible to handle the stress of living with a child who is struggling without needing a “safe” place to share, regroup, and find rational advice with coping tools. I have talked with other adoptive parents, taken online classes for children with trauma, read books–including the Bible, and go to therapy about once a month to make sure that I’m as healthy as I can be. It really does take a village to work with these issues.

3) Get away. Sometimes I find I need some time away from the situation before I am ready to engage again. It’s perfectly ok to tell your kids that you need a moment or two away(if age appropriate). It may mean that you need to arrange for child care or help to step in so you and your husband can get refreshed over a long weekend. It’s very important to not neglect time together for fun and relaxation.

4) Exercise–ok–what I really mean is that I take a walk, or I pull weeds. Both of these activities put me outside with nature and I find healing in the warmth of the sunshine, and breeze of the wind.

5) Cry. Really–is there any need to explain this? Ha! I sometimes need to just release some tension by breaking down in tears. When I’m finished I feel better and ready to begin again.

I won’t even pretend to know what your struggle is today, but here’s what I hope you know:

1) YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Do not believe that lie. There are many other mamas struggling with their own family’s issues. In Joshua 1:9 it says, “Be strong and courageous; do not be frightened or dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

2) God loves your child more than you do and cares for all of their issues. Psalm 103:13-14 tells us, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers we are dust.” Look at the words “for he knows our frame”. These beautiful words remind me that God created my child–he knows her frame. He was with her in her mother’s womb, he was with her when we adopted her, and He is with her today. He knows her mind, her thoughts, her issues, and He knows the choices she is going to make. He Knows . . . such promising words to me because they remind me to remember His love is unconditional and never-ending. Even when He Knows all the junk!

3) There is always hope–even when your world looks hopeless. The Lord has a plan and has hope for our future. Proverbs 23:18 says, “Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”

Today I want you to know that our God is still in control–even if it looks like our world just might fall apart.

And if it does–He will still be in control!

P.S. Please pray against the spiritual warfare raging around us!