Not Quite A Week Ago . . .

Last week we began another pathway on this Cancer Journey. This road will probably lead us on a few detours, maybe a side road or two, but ultimately I will have a final destination in Heaven.

At the same time, I’m still praying for healing. I know He can, I know He will, if it is a part of His plan for my life.

It’s a very hard thing to figure out how to hold on to the hope we have in the power of Jesus and also face the reality of doctor’s reports and cancer marker numbers which say that it may very well be time for me to go home to Heaven.

Only God knows the number of days He prepared for me, and I have learned to trust in His plan.

My trust doesn’t keep me from having real feelings however. Last Thursday, the day after our last scans, I told several people, my motto for the day was, “This sucks! But I still trust in God!” You know life sometimes has seasons that fall into that category and it is okay to acknowledge the yucky right along with the hope and trust we have in God.

Our faith journey requires us to rely on God’s plans, God’s will and His timing. He rarely gives us much leeway or foreknowlege of upcoming events. In fact, I would dare say that our faith journey has us facing the “unknown” more often than not.

I love this verse in Hebrews 11:1 that says . . .

Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

The unknown has become a welcome visitor on this journey. Honestly, I have become okay with the unknown—because I have experienced much of it the last four years. Will I be cured? Will I die? When will I have complications? How much damage will the chemo do to my body? Will it kill all of the cancer? Will this alternative medicine work?

All unknown questions at some point on this journey.

Some have been answered.

Some have not.

C. S. Lewis skillfully wrote His thoughts about the unknown like this . . .

I know now, Lord, why you utter no answer. You are yourself the answer. Before your face questions die away. What other answer would suffice?

C. S. Lewis

Like Lewis, I know who holds ALL the answers and I trust Him wholeheartedly with the life I have. He created the air I breathe, He designed my body, He cherishes me, and I trust Him over everything else.

I’ve realized over the last week, that while I have great peace about God’s plan and I trust in Him, I was struggling with this whole timing issue. I knew the truth–but here I was again asking God, “Don’t I still have things I’m supposed to accomplish?”

Hannah’s counselor reminded me of the truth about our purpose on earth last week in our family session. She said to me, “The Lord will not call you home till you are finished with what He has called you to accomplish.” Then she looked at Ben and Hannah and told them, “If the Lord leaves you behind, it is because you still have work to do for Him.” She turned her head back in my direction and said, “Until you go home to Heaven, you still have work to do. Don’t stop doing His work.”

Those were wise words for us all. If we are still breathing—we have purpose. Don’t quit until we give up our last breath.

Last Friday we met with Hospice and today I met our Chaplin, our social worker and our head nurse. What lovely people the Lord sent to our home. I know He is walking with us down this unknown future. He is helping us find answers to our questions through the ones He is sending to minister to our needs. It is their purpose.

Today, I challenge you to evaluate what you are called to do until your time comes to an end. What are you doing that will make an impact on the lives of others and lead them to a relationship with Jesus Christ?