More Questions than Answers

I have this little book in my windowsill in our kitchen. When I know we are not going to be home, I snap a picture of the days we will miss, so I don’t miss the opportunity to begin my day with a little nugget from the Bible. This was yesterday’s message. It was perfect for the day because we are still continuing to not understand fully what God is up to with this cancer business.

BUT–I don’t have to, because “He knows the way I take.” That’s the first phrase in yesterday’s scripture. That alone fills me with such peace. He knows the exact path I will take in my journey. Do you realize the pressure that takes off of me? He Knows and I can trust Him because He Knows!

So on to the scans and blood work results. Yesterday was our every 3 month trip to Mayo. We were blessed with all of our appointments being in the same building to begin with–it made the day extremely easy. The picture below is of us in front of the Mangurian Building.

So here is the update . . .

My CA 125 numbers went down!!! Again!!! Ben and I literally did high-fives and a dance in the elevator! Here’s the new scan results . . .

Just in case you need me to make this graph make sense–my numbers dropped 51 points!

AND THAT IS WORTH HIGH-FIVES & A DANCE IN THE ELEVATOR!

I wish I could stop right there and say, “and then we lived happily ever after”, but alas, in our story the fair maiden and prince charming are walking in the world of ovarian cancer and our story has ceased being a fairy-tale. But y’all–I want you to know that even though we didn’t get many answers to our questions about the next bit of news, we are not upset or worrying–just literally trusting in God.

My scans show new enlarged lymph nodes, some past lymph nodes that grew in size, and some that remained stable in a variety of places from my pelvic area to my chest. There is a new tumor right under my belly button that I actually told the doctor about and he located it in my scans.

So what does all this mean? Good question.

I wish I had exact answers.

But my doctor did not and could not explain the drop in my CA 125 numbers and the growth or enlarging of the lymph nodes. Instead we have a few possibilities . . . 1) The lymph nodes may be fighting off the cancer and are enlarged, 2) The cancer may be growing within the lymph nodes because there is evidently still some cancer present, or 3) The cancer is still active, and the lymph nodes may be swelling before they die off, or 4) There may be some combination of any or all of those things going on.

Hence, the more questions than answers.

Our doctor did point out that my high grade cancer is NOT acting like high grade cancer because it is typically very aggressive with a dire prognosis. SOO I’m thrilled that my cancer is not acting like it should! I’m glad that God is keeping this mess on HIS path!

Do you realize all of the blessings of this crazy path?

We have been given TIME! In October, we were praying I would make it to Leighanne and Cason’s wedding. Well we surpassed that milestone with energy and beautiful memories. It’s almost April and the Lord continues to give us days alive, with energy and feeling good. How can I NOT praise the Lord for that huge gift?

My numbers are going down—let me say that again–my numbers are going down!

That is a huge, BIG Answer to prayers! Only God!

I don’t pretend to comprehend the enlarged lymph nodes–but Ben and I prayed before we even walked into MAYO that He would help us to listen to the news, but remember who was in charge of my body.

God was not surprised by the crazy information. He is fully aware of every enlarged lymph node, every lymph node that grew and those that remained stable. And He is aware of the little tumor under my belly button.

You know what? I felt good yesterday, I had energy yesterday, and I’m planning on feeling good and having energy today.

I’m choosing to Trust in my God!

I’m choosing to keep my eyes focused on the One who created this 51-year-old body and celebrate the CA 125 numbers going down!

I’m hoping you will join me today in celebrating His plan!

I don’t know what tomorrow or next week will bring, but I know that God will still be in control and that’s what I’m trusting in!

I know this–you can trust His path for your crazy little world too!