Our guest blogger and I have been friends for a while. We met in St. Marys at church, but we did life together as friends outside of church. They were in the Navy–so as many of our friends in the Kingsbay area did, they eventually left for other assignments. This is an example of Christian folks being “doers” of the word that the book of James also talks about. They just don’t talk about being Pro-Life, they have taken action and are Foster parents and “doing” something about the foster care shortage. A BIG “THANK YOU” for answering the call to meet the need! While I know we are not all called to do that task, Bessie does an excellent job of telling us what we can do.
Here’s her story . . .
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27 (NIV)
Our journey started back in 2009. We had met Ben & Julie and were astonished by the love they had for a child they did not conceive. We asked ourselves—Could we do the same? Should we do the same? We prayed, and all answers pointed to yes, we most definitely should love another child, we always have room at our table for one more!
We began the journey and life made some twist and turns (more like the Navy) along the way and we couldn’t explore opening our hearts again until we found ourselves in California. It was near the end of our time there but we decided that once we were settled (again) we would explore some more.
So we did and in January 2017 we found ourselves in a small room in Everett, Washington going through Foster Parent Orientation. And then we proceeded, no we waited again! Seven months later I finally finished college in August 2017 (almost 20 years after high school). I was so excited to be able to do a Beth Moore Bible study because I finally had the time to sit for 45-50 minutes and do one—that’s how busy I had been.
“There’s never really a perfect time to foster or adopt. Just a lot of opportunities to say yes despite the many reasons you have to say no.” –Jason Johnson
Then in September 2017 a client at work had a child and she knew this child would go to foster care upon birth. She didn’t choose me! She chose someone else to take the child but because we had already taken the first steps to become foster parents, the state decided we would be suitable for this small 4 lb. 11 oz. child who had just spent 3 days in the NICU. The state told us we would have her for most likely 90 days giving mom enough time to go to rehab and get into a program so she could get custody back. Well friends, 90 days turned into 180 and then 360 and then it went longer and longer in total 23 months. Along the way we cheered for mom, we cried for mom, we prayed for mom, but she did not do what needed to be done.
Now I know you are thinking, “ok I see the outcome–you adopted her.”
No, friends we did not.
Her mom wasn’t the one who got it together. It was her dad. On August 30, 2019 she went home to live with him.
We were and are still heart broken because she’s not right here with us, but I have to believe and have faith that God in all His ways sees the big picture. I have to believe that our heartbreak is her father’s life saving. I have to believe that she is held in the palm of God’s hand.
Now you might be saying “oh gosh, Bessie, how is this tied to the scripture above or supposed to encourage me to foster or adopt?”
Well here’s how . . .
When a child enters into the foster care system, they have in a way become an orphan, except their parents haven’t passed or they weren’t left at a safe heaven. You see, dear one, the people who were to care for them, to teach them, protect them, feed them and love them, abandoned them in their need. James 1:27 tells us to care for them. Will there be heartache along the way? You bet ya! I’ve reminded my husband frequently this past year that we gave that girl the best 23 months of her life. She knew love, she knew fun, she laughed, and most of all she knew Jesus’ love like none other.
“Foster care means choosing the pain of a great loss if it means a child has received the gain of a great love.” Jason Johnson
So I encourage you to look into fostering and adoption. Prepare your hearts with prayer. Find your support team, those who will lift you in prayer, rush over with clothes at 7pm when a new child has arrived and the 2 year old, who you were told wore size 2 really wears a 5, needs clothes, when the social workers bring the child with just a pair of under ware, a pair of dirty pjs and the clothes on his back. Put a team together that will support you when the foster baby is being released from the NICU and you have no idea what formula she will need until you’ve picked her up, or you’ve calmed the child and then find she has so many needs that you just can’t leave the house. Find those people who will love you and that child, and then will be there to pick you up when it all goes the other way of what everyone was praying and hoping for.
Fostering and adopting isn’t for everyone, or maybe not at this stage of your life and that’s ok, but you know what you can do?
You can pray for the thousands of children who are in the foster care system, you can pray for the many more waiting to be adopted into a loving family. You can offer you’re support—be their support team, you can babysit, you can deliver a meal, buy clothes, toys, books, sit with them at church – chances are those kids haven’t been or are so hurt they act out-help during the holidays—there’s very little help for foster parents during this time and you can be someone they can count on. You can pray for the foster parent and pray with them so they don’t just think you’re only saying you are, let them hear the prayers whenever possible.
While our journey with foster care isn’t clear right now for us, we do know we always have room for one more (2 or 3) at our table and in our home. God will guide and God will heal our brokenness in His time and for His purpose!
“The risk of love is loss, and the price of love is grief, but the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.” – Hilary Stanton Zunin
On His journey,
Bessie