Scan Results and Camera Shopping

I had scans yesterday at Mayo in Jacksonville. We began early and were finished mid-afternoon. I don’t know how to beat around the bush, so we are just going to jump into the results.

My CA 125 numbers went up a little bit from 259 to 276. So that’s not all bad, but it’s not going in the preferred direction. As far as tumor growth goes, all of my tumors have increased in size. A few grew more in size than others, but they all grew none the less. Ben asked our doctor if they had to stage me now what would he say that I was, and our doctor said that because it has metastasized to the liver it would be considered Stage 4. I now have 3 tumors on/in the liver. Basically the cancer has moved from my pelvic area, through the abdomen and up through my chest area including tumors near my heart, the liver, and my breast bone.

We didn’t get the best news, but it could have been so much worse. AND–we have had almost 9 months of slow growth which is a beautiful thing in the cancer world. We have lived so much life these last few months and we have chosen to celebrate the good and not focus on what lies beneath the surface–which is that ugly beast called cancer.

So where does this leave us? Shopping for a new camera of course! A little over 2 years ago, I broke my favorite camera lens when I dropped it. Since then I had lost the sincere joy of taking pictures because I missed that lens and what it could do. Over the last 2 years, I had begun to save some money for a whole new camera, because when I did the price comparison, I could get a newer camera, lens, and newer technology instead of a new lens on 10-year-old technology. We had already made the decision to shop after our Mayo visit, and we didn’t let that news dampen our spirits. We went to the stores and came away completely overwhelmed with all the new technology. Ha! But I do plan to buy a new camera and go shoot some pics. I plan to live life to the fullest–every single day I have left.

Y’all–God is not finished with me yet, He alone knows my last day and I hope it’s somewhere down the road. Way down the road.

Here’s my take-away from my visit–the news was not great, but it doesn’t surprise God. While I did tear up a couple of times yesterday, I chose to focus on the good things the Lord has done through this extended time He has blessed us with. I’m choosing to buy that new camera and we are going to plan a trip and go shoot some pics with it very soon. I still plan to honor God with the life I have left and share with others about learning to Trust God amidst the crap that life sometimes brings.

You have that exact same decision to make every time there’s a bit of unsettling news. You can choose to face the news head-on and choose to trust God, or you can let fear win the battle.

One of the last things I shared with my oncologist yesterday was that despite the news, I had peace in my faith. He told me that he was glad I had peace because so many of his patients do not have that peace and are desperate. He ended our visit by telling me to keep being strong.

It’s funny to me how people label me as “being strong”. The truth is–I’m not, but my trust is found in the One who is strong! His strength provides me with the ability to hold to my choice to have quality of life over quantity. I will continue to use His strength to fuel my strength and “be strong” in Him.

We don’t need to trust in God when all else fails; we trust in God so that when all else fails, we are holding onto Him and He is holding us.

Know your power source–trust in Jesus Christ for your strength!