Our guest blogger today is sharing a deeply personal loss in her family’s life. My eyes welled up with tears while reading her testimony of God becoming so real and comforting in a time when they were crushed and hurt.
The Lord’s love envelops us in times when we do no know what the next step is in our life. One of my favorite parts of their story is when she describes their moment of grief yet realizing that God still deserved their worship.
Open your heart to the message of hope and trust found in Candice’s words below . . .
It is the season of “Prepare Him Room” and “Come All Ye Faithful”. The days are busy attempting celebrations with Covid restricted gatherings. Delightful aromas of cookies and cinnamon fill our home. The fir tree is lit and weighted down with loads of sentimental ornaments. Songs of our coming Messiah echo on all the devices. These winter joys usher me back to a Christmas season a few years ago when God gave us a deeply personal perspective of our King Jesus.
It was the Monday after Thanksgiving break. We had rushed after school and gathered the kids and grandparents to see the 16-week gender reveal ultrasound of Baby Mixon #4. We were so excited! Our precious ultrasound tech’s first day had to endure us packing the room with Grands, 3 children, and a husband. Everyone was chatty and excited. Our tech was patient and kind, but after a few minutes she excused herself. I knew something wasn’t right. I told our moms to go ahead and take the kids outside to play. Our tech returned with reinforcements to check again and deliver the news that was surmounting to dread. Our precious little boy had passed.
Thankfully, I was able to carry him a week longer before delivery. On December 8 God not only allowed us to sit in awe of His amazing creation, holding Baby Hayes in the palm of my hand, but He also clearly gave us Psalm 145:9 as we wept and worshipped. “The Lord is good to all and His mercy is over all that He has made.”
One of my journal entries from that time reads, “Yes, I call him Hayes, just not out loud very often. 9:37 pm baby boy Mixon was held by mommy in her hand, wrapped in blue cloth. Five inches and looked like his brothers. Skinny arms and legs. Chubby thighs, fat tummy, adorable belly button. Adorable nose… oh the tears and sadness as we cried and worshipped the Lord.”
My pulse beat with the truth that The Lord is good to all and His mercy is over all that He has made. You see, there is a truth that Deven and I believe. That truth is a trust in God’s Sovereignty. He sustains us. He holds all things together. It doesn’t always make it easy, but it makes it possible.
There was a moment later in the week when I was all alone. I had collapsed at the foot of my bed and began to rock in despair. Tears and loud sobs came in ugly torrents. But then a song from a beloved album by Sovereign Grace’s Prepare Him Room sounded out from the living room.
Who would have dreamed
Or ever foreseen
That we could hold God in our hands?
The Giver of Life was born in the night
Revealing God’s glorious plan
To save the world.
Mary held her son. Chubby fingers and thighs. Adorable nose. Soft shoulders. Yet in the same breath, God sent His Son. The Giver of life was born in the night. He was revealing God’s glorious plan. He saved the world.
All I could think was God sent His Son. God sent His Son. This child who was held by his mother as an infant, willing gave His life to save us. “Why have you forsaken me?” He asked years later on the cross. He willingly endured suffering and pain, despair and the full weight of sin. Yet victory came! Victory over death – His final enemy. Jesus, the Son slain, was restored to the Father. Our Hayes is already witness to His Glory. A baby held in his mother’s hand is now a soldier in God’s Army. I hope with all hope that I see him one day when Christ is my sight. Who would have dreamed or ever foreseen God’s quiet comfort in the midst of such terrible heartache? But he does comfort. He heals. He restores. He is victorious. He is good to all and His mercy is over all that He has made.
So, as another Christmas season passes may we be found trusting in God’s Sovereignty, preparing room in our hearts for Him, knowing He can do immeasurably more than all we could hope or imagine, coming to Him faithfully, and knowing that He truly is good and His mercy is over us. Amen.
Candice
Tears of heartache and joy all running together as I totally understand my child’s anguish and joy. ❤️
Thank you, Mama ❤️
Candice, your story fills my heart. I wanted to share some things with you that I hope bring you joy. Your baby Hayes went to be with Jesus on December 8. That is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of Mary, the day she was conceived in her mother, Anne’s womb. The same Mary that bore our Savior. The same Mary that always leads us to Jesus! How beautiful that they share the same day.
A dear friend’s niece passed away recently and she had 3 miscarriages throughout her life. On her death bed, she saw those children waiting for her. She was able to communicate that to her family at the end. That precious baby will be waiting for you one day.
Lastly, I saw this beautiful sentence in my devotional, written by a woman who lost her daughter in the Sandy Hook Elementary tragedy. She said “grief is a beautiful grace where the living and the dead walk a parallel journey. The God whose hand touches the faces of the living and gently wipes the tears that flow also holds, in his palm, a soul at rest.”
Have a blessed Christmas! Thank you for your heartfelt words.
It is a good place to be when your soul finds rest in a Sovereign God. Very true.
Oh Candice… I love you! What a testimony!